


Growing Pains

by LetoaSai



Series: Secrets [18]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Baby Sora, Cloud's inner meltdowns, Flashback, Growing up on Destiny Island, M/M, Questions, Sequel, Series, The Talk, who is my mom?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29856606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetoaSai/pseuds/LetoaSai
Summary: Cloud knew Sora would have questions about where he'd come from eventually. He'd want to know about his mom sooner or later.He was just all together unprepared for it.
Relationships: Cloud/Leon (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Secrets [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593604
Comments: 24
Kudos: 70





	Growing Pains

Parenting was hard. Harder than it looked for sure. It was the collective thought of every parent at one point or another. It was more than food and shelter. More than warmth and love. Naturally those things were important, but a child required more. 

They had the needs of a tiny person that was constantly learning and absorbing their surroundings. They had to figure out common sense. They had constant questions. 

Cloud had never felt so unprepared in his life. When Ventus was born, he and Squall had had no idea what they were doing but they had no idea TOGETHER. They were able to figure things out and take care of the child they’d brought into the world. Cloud had that experience, but only five years of it. 

Raising Sora alone was the most terrifying thing he’d ever done, especially when he couldn’t always trust himself to be mentally present for his child. 

Babies needed everything. 

It wasn’t just the constant feedings and the no sleep. The crying. The changing. He had to teach his child about the world and some days that was just hard. 

A baby needed affection. A baby needed experiences to learn from. It had been a struggle, but Cloud had done his best to provide those things. 

Now Sora was getting older, and at five years old Cloud was the one clinging. Sora was now the same age Ventus had been when he’d disappeared and the nightmares that produced were unimaginable. 

The very thought of Sora suddenly disappearing on him caused many sleepless nights. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d gotten up in the middle of the night just to double and triple check that Sora was still asleep in his room. 

He knew the worst nights were the ones where he accidentally woke Sora up, sitting on the edge of his child’s bed. Sora, to the credit of his gentle little heart, would sleepily get up and climb into Cloud’s arms as if knowing his papa needed him. 

His baby growing up without Squall was a different kind of pain, but one he was constantly attuned to. 

When a child grew up, some aspects of parenthood got easier. Sora was potty trained. He could mostly dress himself. He could speak in clear sentences and let Cloud know when he needed something. 

It also cascaded into harder parenthood. Questions. 

Sora had so many questions. About the beach, about people, about animals, about the glowing green lights that appeared in the sky sometimes that only he can Cloud could see for some reason.

Cloud thought he was prepared for any direction Sora’s little mind could go, but he’d been very wrong when blindsided by one particular subject matter. 

“Do i have a mama?” 

Cloud had to blink several times, tearing his gaze away from the waves that he’d been letting himself get lost in. 

“What?” 

“Do i have a mama?” Sora repeated easily. He was sitting with Riku in the sand only a few feet away. They both had little spades in their hands as they attempted to dig the ‘biggest hole ever’. 

Cloud gaped for a moment, lips parted in stunned panic. He wasn’t ready… When had Sora become so aware.... 

“No. You have a papa.” 

Sora hummed and smiled. He was still so little that he easily accepted Cloud’s word as truth. “Okay.” 

“Are papa’s and daddy’s the same thing?” Riku asked. “I have a daddy but he doesn’t live with us.” 

“You do?” Sora blinked, Riku drawing his attention. 

Sora probably didn’t remember meeting the man, or if he had, didn’t correlate him as being important. 

“Uh huh. He lives on the water.” Riku said it like he didn’t exactly understand how that was possible but that’s what someone had said so he believed it. “For work?” 

“Your daddy is a fisherman.” Cloud said. “He lives on a boat.” 

Riku and Sora both reflexively glanced back at the little dock where row boats were tied up. 

Riku was the one to make a face. “I don’t wanna live on a boat.” 

“No.” Sora agreed, but backtracked as he looked back at Cloud. “So no mama?” 

“No.” Cloud said softly. “You have a papa and a daddy. Daddy… isn’t here yet.” He’d tried to talk about Squall to Sora before but he didn’t seem to understand. 

“Is he away at work like my daddy?” Riku asked and Sora’s eyes lit up. It was as if understanding just clicked. 

“Oh? Papa is that right?” Sora asked. 

“Well…” Cloud sighed. Easy answers verses the truth… “It’s a little bit like that, i guess.” 

“What’s he look like?” Riku asked. 

Sora shrugged. “Dunno. Papa, what’s daddy look like?” 

Gaia, the words hurt so bad. “Like a grown up Sora.” 

Sora looked completely confused but Riku laughed. “Neat! I wanna meet a grown up Sora!” he crawled closer to Cloud to sit in the shade of Cloud’s beach umbrella and Sora followed right behind him. “Are you married to Sora’s daddy?” 

Cloud couldn’t help a smile. What innocent questions… “Yes.” 

Sora seemed to think about that hard. “So i have a daddy and a papa.” 

“Yes.” Cloud nodded. “I married my best friend.” 

“You can do that!?” Sora beamed instantly. “Can i marry Riku?” He turned to the silver-haired little boy. “We could get married!” 

Riku’s smile was soft. “Okay.” 

“Oh dear.” Cloud puffed out a laugh. What had he started? “We’ll see how you feel about that when you’re bigger. Maybe you two will get married.” 

“Well sure. Why wouldn’t we?” Riku asked, not the least bit surprised when Sora dragged him into a hug. 

“We can get married and be like daddy and papa!” Sora announced, forcing giggles out of Riku. 

Cloud couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. He hoped they grew up together far better then he and Squall had managed. 

~

Once the questions started, they never really stopped. Children were curious creatures and when they couldn’t puzzle out an answer for themselves, they asked whoever they viewed as an authority. 

Sora asked Cloud about everything. 

“How come not everyone can see the green things?” Sora asked, perhaps his forty-eighth or forty-ninth question of the night.

“The Lifestream.” Cloud corrected. The two of them sat out on their porch, the sky overhead dark and lit up with sparkling stars. Both had half eaten bowls of ice cream beside them and a book on astrology open by their feet. 

Sora had been learning about stars in school, and the now seven year old wanted to learn about constellations and their stories. The problem with that was that Cloud didn’t know any. 

If he thought about it hard he might have been able to dredge up some stories from Gaia, but those constellations didn’t exist anymore, at least not as far as Cloud knew. What happened to stars when a world was destroyed? 

What happened to the other worlds? Did they rearrange or just go dark? Cloud had no star stories about Destiny Island, hence the book. They’d been trying to locate constellations every night for a week. 

“Yeah, the Lifestream.” Sora repeated. “I tried to ask my teacher but she didn’t understand. No one sees the green streaks.” 

Cloud grunted, eating a bite of his ice cream. “That’s because the Lifestream is from my world, remember? It came here with us.” 

“Came...with us.” Sora repeated, looking up at the sky. “And the Lifestream is… life?” 

“A river of life or energy.” Cloud said. “It circled my world and spread magic throughout it in different ways. When Gaia fell apart, no one was left. It decided to attach itself to me and maybe even a little bit to you. It came with us to Destiny Island to keep from dying.” 

“So cause.. Cause it’s on us…” 

“Attached to us.” Cloud smiled fondly. 

“Yeah. Is that why we can see it?” Sora asked. 

Cloud nodded. “Yeah, i think so. It’s not native to this world, and neither are we.” 

Sora shoved a big bite of ice cream into his mouth. “Dof uh icesteam spwed-” 

“You wanna try this sentence again when your cheeks aren’t filled with ice cream?” Cloud chuckled, poking Sora’s face. 

He sputtered and laughed, swallowed second. “Does the Lifestream spread magic here too?” 

Cloud hummed, not sure how he’d take it if he suddenly found materia lying around. “I dunno. Lifestream does as it wants i guess.” 

“You have magic though.” 

“I do.” And he’d long since stopped questioning his access to it since Cosmos’ war. 

“Can i learn magic?” 

Cloud smiled a little. “Maybe when you’re bigger.”

“I’d like to learn magic.” Sora said, reaching for the book to rest it on his lap as he looked up at the sky again. “Papa?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why don’t i have a mom?” 

Cloud did a double take, eyes widening. He hadn’t expected the sudden change in conversation at all. 

“What?” 

Sora turned to look up at him. “Why don’t i have a mom?” 

“You…” Cloud stared. He was a little older now, but his wording was very different. Last time Sora had asked him ‘Do i have a mama?’. It had been-more or less- and easy answer. No. This however, was different. 

Why don’t i have a mom? 

“Papa?” 

“You have a papa and a daddy.” 

“I know.” Sora blinked. “But why? Everyone else has a mom. Riku has mama Hana.” 

Cloud forced himself to inhale. To remember how to breathe at all. When had Sora started observing the world around him so closely? When had he started noticing he lacked what some other kids had. _Everyone else has a mom._ School had to be hard. “Yes, but Riku only as one daddy and not a papa.” 

Sora seemed to think about that one. “So it’s okay that i don’t have a mom?” 

Cloud slid an arm around Sora’s shoulders and tugged him closer. “Yeah, it’s okay. Every family is different. Every family looks a little different and that’s okay. It’s okay that you don’t have a mom. You have me, and i love you very much.” 

“I love you too.” Sora replied instantly, smiling up at him. He leaned against Cloud happily. “I just...was wondering.” 

“You think about stuff like this?” 

Sora nodded. “Yeah. Riku has a daddy and he’s gone a lot too. He comes back though. Mine doesn’t. Is he with Ven?” 

“I hope so.” Cloud hated the way his voice cracked. Explaining to Sora that he had a big brother had been hard too. Hard and confusing. Sora had a good six months years prior where he pretended he could talk to Ventus. He told Cloud that Ventus was in his heart and… Cloud didn’t remember this response but he might have mentally checked out for a while… 

“Do they not like me?” 

Cloud had never known that five words would make him feel so drenched in ice. “Sora.” Cloud lifted him up and set him on his lap. “Sora, daddy loves you. He loves you and Ven more than anything. Squall and i didn’t… know what love could be until you and Ventus were born.” 

“But he doesn’t ever come home…” Sora said softly. 

“I know.” Cloud hugged him tight. “Daddy...daddy doesn’t know where we are, but i know he’s looking. I know he thinks about us.” 

They were lies, but he would say anything to keep that trembling out of Sora’s voice. 

“He does?” Sora sniffed. 

“Yes. Oh, yes.” Cloud promised, rocking him against his chest. “Squall is my best friend in the whole world. There isn’t anyone i know better. He’d love everything about you. Your eyes, your laugh, your energy. Daddy can’t wait to meet you.” 

“I can’t wait to meet him too.” Sora agreed, sniffing again. “And Ven.” 

“Yeah, Ventus would be an amazing big brother too.” Cloud agreed, glancing up at the Lifestream and hoping beyond all reason that his husband and son were safe somewhere. 

“I make a very good little brother.” Sora mumbled. 

“Yes.” Cloud agreed instantly. “The very best. Don’t worry Sora. Papa will find them. Someday, all four of us will be together.” 

“You will?” 

“It’s a promise.” 

~~

“Papa!” Sora called as he was rounding the house, a backpack slung over his shoulder. “Where are- Oh. Hey papa.” Sora veered off his path when he found Cloud outside rather than inside. 

“Hey.” Cloud said, staring down at this surfboard. “How was school?” He’d already stripped off the old wax and applied the base coat of new wax.

There was something soothing about the repetitive motions that calmed him. It wasn’t unlike sword maintenance. He might have done it a little more than strictly necessary but it was his own board so what did it matter? 

“Fine.” Sora answered in that automatic way that said he was used to the question and always gave the same answer whether it was accurate or not. 

“Good.” Cloud glanced back at him. “Saimin for dinner.” 

“Awesome.” Sora agreed and even the subject of food didn’t distract him. Eleven was a hard age. Cloud could barely get over the fact that his kid was in double digits. 

Eleven. The age Ventus would have been when Sora was actually born. Ventus was twenty-two… Even thinking about it caused an ache in his chest. Every time he thought about his oldest son, he was still five years old. That startled expression on his face still there from when he fell through the void. 

All the damage his mind had taken, all the scrambled memories, and that look was still fresh in his thoughts. 

“What’s the matter?” Cloud asked, blinking the image away. 

“Huh?” Sora blinked too, jerking free from his own thoughts the same way Cloud had seconds prior. 

Cloud turned away from his surfboard, grabbing a towel to clean his hands as he gave Sora his full attention. Sora had a number of tells and right now all the fidgeting said he was trying to start a conversation. 

“What’s the matter?” Cloud repeated. 

Sora shrugged and collapsed in a nearby lawn chair, his backpack slumping to the ground. “Just… a question.” 

“Mhm?” Cloud dropped in the chair beside him. “What kind of question?” 

Sora frowned, trying to gather his thoughts. It was only one of many ways Cloud could tell whatever this discussion was going to be was important to Sora. 

“Who is my mom?” 

Cloud stared, heart kicking up a few notches. This again… Was Sora ready for this? Was he old enough? 

Cloud did his best to always answer Sora’s questions, even if it meant bending the truth a little. Usually when questions like this came up, Cloud could tweak things. 

Do i have a mama? 

Why don’t i have a mom? 

This was much more direct and required a real answer. 

“You don’t have a mom. You have a-” 

“A papa and a dad, yeah.” Sora said, a tad frustrated. “I know. I know that but who is my mom?” 

“You don’t have one.” 

Sora scoffed. “Papa, please. I’m not a baby. You can tell me. Even if i don’t understand, i’ll _try_ to understand. I just… I want to know.” 

Cloud sighed softly. “What brought this on?” 

“School…” Sora mumbled, losing steam as shy uncertainty returned. He reached for his backpack and pulled out a book. Right… Sixth grade biology. Was it legal to tell kids where babies came from before the parents got around to it. 

“Ah…”

“I don’t understand…” Sora mumbled and Cloud hated to think he’d walked around school all day with questions and doubt brow beating him. “I’ve always been with you. You’re my papa and i love you.” 

Cloud just listened. 

“But you say all the time i look like dad. That i remind you of him sometimes. Does that mean one of you is my real dad and one of you isn’t?” Sora asked quietly. “Is that why daddy doesn’t come home?” 

“Baby, no.” Cloud said, momentarily furious with himself for not explaining to Sora sooner. Even a few hours of this kind of confusion was too much. “We are both your fathers.” 

“I mean biologically! I want to know!” Sora said, voice hoarse. “Who is my mom!? Was she just some lady or what?” 

Cloud heaved a heavy sigh and reached to hold onto Sora’s hand. His inferiority let this go on too long. “What’s a mom?” 

“Papa, i just want to-” 

“No. I’m explaining.” Cloud said softly, squeezing his hand. “What’s a mom? To you, what is a mom?” 

Sora’s mouth trembled. “A mom... “ He exhaled shakily, all the signs of trying not to cry right there. “A mom loves you. They take care of you and protect you and…” he swallowed. “A mom’s the first person you ever meet.” 

Cloud nodded, throat tight. “A mom gives birth to you.” 

“Yeah.” Sora mumbled. “I love you and having two dads is fine. I just...want to know who she is. No matter what kind of person she is.” 

“It’s me.” 

Sora sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “Papa, c’mon…” 

Cloud reached up with one hand to brush the falling tears away. “It’s me.” he repeated. “I’m the one that gave birth to you.” 

Sora blinked slowly, his head tilting. Confusion growing. “Huh?” 

“I’m your mom, if you want to call it that.” Cloud said softly, eyes watery like the traitors they were. “Things were different in my world, baby. People with magic like mine, strength like mine...We were different.” 

“But you’re a boy.” Sora frowned, truly trying to understand. 

“Different.” Cloud repeated. “I’m from a whole different world.” He wondered if it was ridiculous to just let Sora think males from his world could give birth. “It was always just me and your daddy. There was no lady.” 

Sora’s expression crumpled. “Really?” 

“Really.” Cloud grabbed him, not giving a damn how old he was and pulling him onto his lap to hug. “I promise. You are very much, half me and half daddy.” 

Sora arms flung around his neck, holding on tight. 

“I love you so much.” Cloud said softly. “I’m sorry i didn’t explain sooner.” 

“You’re really my mom?” Sora buried his face against Cloud’s neck. 

“Yeah.” 

Sora seemed so sag completely, exhausted. “Good. Good. I thought…” 

Cloud made a sympathetic noise. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still your papa. Daddy still loves you.” Sooner or later...probably sooner... He was going to have to explain more to Sora. Wars, voids, memories… 

Sora knew Cloud went looking for Squall and Ventus every summer but hadn’t been told yet that their memories had probably suffered. Sora had shreds of information. Bits and pieces that he accepted because it’s what Cloud told him. He hadn’t yet tried to piece them together and they were going to need to have some conversations before he tried. 

Squall didn’t remember them. Squall didn’t even know about Sora, but that didn’t change anything. Squall would love him. 

Ventus was missing, and only Cloud clinging to hope kept him from believing he was dead. 

Sora had to deal with so many difficult truths already that Cloud hated piling on more. He’d have to though. If Sora was strong enough to wield his wooden sword, he’d have to be strong enough to deal with difficult, even secret information. 

“I love you papa.” Sora muttered roughly. “You really gave birth to me?” 

“I really did. Ventus too.” Cloud said. “It’s not a thing most places, but the thing that makes my eyes glow, is the same thing that allowed me to have children too.” 

Sora sniffed and sat back a little to look at him. “So it’s magic?” 

“Well, that kind of magic altered me, so yes?” 

“Oh..” Sora glanced up but they couldn’t really see the Lifestream during the day. “So all this time when you said i didn’t have a mom. Just a papa and a dad… You really meant…” 

“Just me and Squall.” Cloud nodded. “You’ve always been my baby. I’m not much of a mom, but i love you more than anything.” 

Sora was wrapped around him again, squeezing tight. “I don’t need a mom. I have a papa and you’re the best one.” 

Cloud wasn’t sure he deserved Sora. Sora was still just a child but he’d spent his whole life keeping Cloud sane. His mental health had improved over the years and it was almost entirely thanks to his son. 

“We have a lot to talk about.” Cloud said softly, holding him close and pretending he was still small. “A lot of things you should know. We’ll check off all the boxes one at a time, okay?” 

Sora nodded, small smile returning. “I have.. More questions.” 

“You always do.” Cloud breathed out a laugh. Being a parent was hard. Raising an amazing kid was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Series Order 
> 
> Gifts  
> A Home that Heals  
> First Adventure  
> Growing Pains  
> Tourney  
> Broken Chain  
>  **Secrets Kept**  
>  Design Time. (set during chapter 5 of Secrets Kept)   
> Judgement (Set during chapter 5 of Secrets Kept)  
> Impart your Wisdom  
> Reunions  
> Split Chain  
> Look to the Rain (Flashback scenes set about 8 years prior)  
> Breakthrough  
> Contraband   
> Misfits  
> Homes store memories   
> New Normal


End file.
